Robert Stewart - Sexy With A BicycleYou must have heard about Robert Stewart, 51, who was staying at Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, and was found to be having sex with his bike.

The man was caught by two cleaning ladies who reported it to the manager, who then called the police. This happened in October 2006 but now, as reported in the London Daily Telegraph, apparently he is sentenced to 3 years probation and also placed on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Give me a friggin break! It isn’t kiddie porn. Are they protecting the bike? I’m sure it feels so violated.

So here is how it went down according to Gail Davidson in court:

“They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”

Stewart had denied the incident, claiming it was a misunderstanding and he had too much to drink.

I’m not sure I buy the whole “I had too much to drink” excuse, but really, should he have to defend his actions at all? I’m sure the bike was consenting and in fact might have been quite embarrassed that the cleaning ladies barged in on their intimate moment.

Weird? Yes, of course. But he has every right to do whatever he wants in the privacy of his own bedroom, etc. Granted, this was in a hostel but they aren’t going for destruction of property here.

Sexy With A BikeThen there are the thousands of people who gather every year for the World Naked Bike Ride, and they are out in public and don’t get a slap on the wrist. Shouldn’t this guy be locked up. Imagine how this unicycle feels.

When asked to take the stand, the bike put a kickstand down, tilted its handle bars to the side and refused in silence. The bike’s representatives could not be immediately reached for comment.

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